Life Without Mom

It has been just over a month since my mother passed away, August 21, 2012. Her death was unexpected and sudden. Debbie and I talked to her everyday and involved our mother in everything. We did not want our mother to be alone. We wanted her to feel loved and important. We were good daughters who loved our mother unconditionally. We were only close to our mother for 12 years, after her husband Al died. I believe she loved us unconditionally as adults. Our mother was a prodigy in music and left a very promising future to run off to marry our father and move to San Francisco Chinatown. She was strong enough to leave him after he cheated multiple times and moved back to Detroit. Unfortunately, my mother met another man who ended up being our stepfather, our worst nightmare.

Throughout the years, all we wanted was an explanation of why we were treated so badly. Maybe even an apology or told just once, I love you by our mother. Unfortunately, I knew deep down in my soul that in order to move on and try to live my life as normal as possible, I had to let it go. It was up to me to forgive and ask God for the strength to have patience and to understand that my little mother also had demons in her that she had to deal with on a regular basis. As we go through the motion of life, we need to live each day as though it will be our last. Harboring ill thoughts or the should-of or why-us will only poison us and eventually leave us bitter with anger.  

It gives me great regrets that our mother's adult life was lived in filth, which included our childhood. One of several memories was when we had to use a shovel in the kitchen to scoop up the filth that had mice, maggots, dog feces and other unmentionables. Days after our mother's passing, we had to relive our past with cleaning out the filth that she left behind. It was so hard on all of us as we hid behind the special carbon masks in hopes of not breathing in the stench of the trash that surrounded us. Mixed emotions of sadness, tears, guilt of having her live like that, and anger overwhelmed each of us.

What I learned from this horrific experience is that living simple will continue to be my motto. Be around my family and love them each unconditionally. Live my life and to try to be happy. Remember my precious mom in the relationship I had with her these last years. I love my mother and miss her dearly. How I wish I could have just one more day with her. Just one more. Life is so precious.

Breathe. Breathe and let go.

Take Back the Night March, Wayne State University