My Brother, Anthony William Lim

Tony loved to dance and enjoy his life!

On December 9, 2016, we lost our dear brother Tony, to cancer. A brilliant mind. A true loss to our family. Our brother that we relied on for computer troubleshooting or IT questions. But wait, maybe not a loss to the entire family. Our brother’s loss was a huge gain to his wife, Danli. Let me explain. 

Our brother’s wife gained over 1.2 million dollars from Tony’s death. Not bad for a young woman who worked in the rice paddy fields in China. A woman who was so desperate to leave her country that she married a man that she did not even know. Yes, an arranged marriage by our own father. Our father, who her family would eventually steal over $300,000 from a crooked business deal (but that is for another story). From the beginning, there were red flags. We tried to warn Tony. But he wanted so badly to be accepted by our father. A father who never deserved acceptance or acknowledgement. A father who did not attend his own son’s funeral. Cold? Yes. But what did we expect? After all, our father was ruthless and money-hungry, as we quickly discovered our sister-in-law, Danli would have the same traits. 

UPDATE 12.22.2017: During this past summer, our father's wife informed Debbie and I that our brother's wife never told our father that Tony died. Who by the way, never allowed us to talk to our father because she said he was too ill. To this date, we still wonder if our father is alive, or not. I am almost tempted to have the law authorities check in on him. But they have an illegal immigrant living with them, so I do not want to cause trouble. (Oh, did I ever mention in a post that years ago my father wanted me to sign off on at least three illegal immigrants for $10K cash each? He said they would disappear at the airport and I would never have to worry! This is for another story!!)

We were also told that our brother's wife put Tony's remains at the crematorium in April 2017. What kind of person does not tell his sisters? I cannot believe we have so much meanness and hatred around us! 


While I supported my brother throughout his entire treatment, made end-of life decisions as Durable Power of Attorney, facilitated funeral arrangements, and guided Danli through properly executing financial arrangements as requested by my brother, there was never any objections made by her as me being his Personal Representative. I executed my brother’s estate in the precise manner as instructed by him. Not only did I adequately performed my appointed duties as Personal Representative, I honored my brother’s final wishes.

I only had 2.5 weeks left for my brother’s Probate to close (coincidentally, the date that I finished this blog!). Danli could not wait for this time-period to collect the probate funds and retained her best friend’s husband to remove me as Personal Representative (they filed a petition not even two months of Tony's death and after she received the life insurance). It was hurtful for all the lies that she said about me. It was truly unbelievable. I did not even have time to grieve for my brother.  Because of the unnecessary stress and since the hearing date was after the probate closing date, I decided to remove myself as Personal Representative instead of continuing the fight. I have absolutely no doubt that I would have won the court hearing because I believe good and honesty supersedes evil and lies. Nevertheless, I fulfilled my duties and honored Tony's wishes - the main objective all along.

I thought about writing more about Danli and her horrible, lying attorney. I also thought about writing how my brother never loved his wife, but had an obligation to their son. I have so much to share about my brother’s family and how they treated me at the end. However, these last few weeks helped me to reflect on what really matters and to find peace. In fact, I did not even think about the probate catastrophe until my sister reminded me to finish this. I said I would write my story. They are not worth anymore of my time or thought. 

Lesson learned - get everything in order so my family does not have to go through what I did. I hope whoever reads this, does the same. 

Life goes on and we each must make the best of it. Each day is a gift. 

Chemo Treatment

Comments

  1. Donna,
    You are a great sister, putting your brother's wishes before your's. Goodness and honesty never win in court. Only money and greed wins. You will know forever that you loved him and that is worth more than all the money on Earth! I'm proud to know you.

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    Replies
    1. I just noticed this! Thank you for your comment Kim! I decided to move on before facing the Judge since the court date was AFTER the closing of the probate. Regardless, I felt confidence I would have won. I honored Tony's wishes.

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